But it's getting hard to tell, the magic in your spell, & I don't wanna be just another guy"
- "Camel" by The Leftovers.
So this at this point, I'm definitely feeling like this blog is invisible & I'm the only one that can read it. So here goes some innermost thought. I've kinda always seen Veronica as a non-sexual girlfriend. If that makes sense. Like someone I could talk to & do couple-esque things with, like get lunch & stuff like that. But it's not like we make-out or hold hands or anything like that. But at the same time I'm sure we give people the vibe that we might be a couple. Which sucks. I don't want to sabotage my love life by having a not-girlfriend. I like hanging out with Veronica, but I need some kind of real relationship soon, or I'm gonna go crazy. I don't feel comfortable asking her out for a couple reasons. One, I doubt we could really be a viable couple. Two, I asked her out before & it got awkward for a few months (at least on my end). Three, I don't have much money & I can't afford to do all the things she likes to do (like eat out often, etc. etc.). Four, she's got all these crushes, well mostly one or two I guess. But still, I'm not a very confident guy. I think I have a decent personality, but I'm a big guy, & I don't feel like I can compete well with all the "lanky fucks" as Grath of the Steinways describes 'em in "Carrie Goldberg". I'm well aware that being a nice guy / hopeless romantic doesn't guarantee you any luck with women at all. I hope that once I start a band I can start playing shows & maybe get a girlfriend via playing shows... But who knows what'll happen. I'm ready for school to start. Or to start playing fucking shows (or at least practicing).
No comments:
Post a Comment